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HEARD ABOUT ESE?

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Have you heard about Ese?  Golden black Ese as we used to call her.  Her skin so beautiful that most people called her the goddess of the black race.  She went to papa Ijebu, who mixed pepper with lemon water, he added a little bit of carol white and a pinch of something which name, I can't recall. Suddenly the black in her skin vanished like magic, she was now "African snow white"  and she reigned in her head and her new found skin.  Ese was walking on the air, almost like her new skin gave her super powers.  Awhile later, there were cracks, itches,scratches and peelings... Her body was at war with itself.  Ese's skin changed colors more rapidly than a chameleon, no one could keep up. Then came the decay that went from her skin deep inside of her and in a flash, she was gone.   Ese died trying to be who she wasn't, she was so dissatisfied with being black in a black skin and I wonder why, what is so wrong with being black?  
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THE FEAR AND JOY IN INDEPENDENCE

               
  THE FEAR AND JOY IN INDEPENDENCE

 Carrying someone on your back is the same thing as being there for someone and today I realized that as demanding and stressful as that maybe, it is the very rock on which relationships and love are built.
         I have had people carry me through life and look out for me every single time. People like my family,my friends and even neighbors and as a young lady, I too have had to be there for a very few number of persons....so here is the story

STORY........
      For two weeks now, I have being helping my niece and  nephew with their online school stuff and it involves going online, login into their school portal and getting them connected to the school activity through E-learning. For me there were days I didn't really want to get up from the bed to do anything (lazy me lol) and I hear their voices calling out "aunty Bobof" as they fondly call me, "we are ready to do our school work now" and I reluctantly sit myself up to 'be there for them'. I didn't really think much of it, I mean it was just a duty but today I got the shocker.
     My niece's work was delayed due to bad network. I was worried because I really needed to rest and I can't keep track of her work if  I did. Well, as I voiced my concern she innocently said "don't worry,you can go ahead and rest. I won't be needing your help to login and do my work anymore, I can do it by myself now" and I immediately felt relieved and slightly disappointed and for a moment I could not explain why I felt disappointed. Well,I realize now that my disappointment was in knowing that she didn't need my help anymore and even though I was happy to know she have learnt to do it for herself, I was still going to miss those moments of she and her brother calling out my name and sitting around,waiting for me to help.#independence ( TO BE CONTINUED...)

     My mother must have felt this mixed feelings of fear,happiness,joy,fulfillment and disappointment watching me grow independent right before her eyes. I can imagine her looking at me age one, running round the compound not needing her help to take a step. Sleeping peacefully at age five, not needing her to sing me a song or going off to sleep at my friend's house age ten, not particularly bothered that she was not going to be there with me and these are sad sweet realities. Growth speaks change and growing up means we learn to be independent and responsible for ourselves.
       The reason why it hurts when you are no longer able to be there for people the way you used to, is because for you it was never a matter of duty, it was an act of love,sacrifice and commitment. In most cases the independence of people scares us because we just don't know how to be there for them anymore and we are not even sure they will be needing us for anything anytime soon. You have grown independent of your parents. Your younger ones or those you are "being there for," are going to grow independent of you soon but the truth is, no matter how much we have grown and how much independent we are, we are always going to need LOVE and no one is ever too grown to receive or give out love. I still very much need love from everyone.

  LESSON
      Carrying someone or being there for someone is relatively the same thing and it is the very rock on which relationships and love are built. So,the essence of  everything we do,what we give and take,our sacrifices,our devotion etc is love and soon after everything else disappears, love and relationship which were the bases of everything remains. Love stands the test of time,love is never changing and it never runs out of demand. No matter the age or size, we are always going to need someone to love us and someone to love.
                                                                             


Comments

  1. Unknown11 May 2020 at 15:41

    Love is the core foundation for every one's success. The way you are cared for or nutured will definitively affect your humanistic nature(character or trait). How you can give love is amazing. Not many know how to love, or what love is,how to express it or give it. Don't feel so bad she won't be needing you. Is a process. Life is in different phase. That is growth. Thank God you have taught her to know the basis not that she won't be needing you anymore. You're a coach that is how she sees you. Nothing can erase you off her mind that you are the first person who taught her how to do her school work online. Independence is growth. I believe if you were still depending on mom to bathe till now she would have tired that you have learnt or make any progress. The way will teach people are who needs our love is very important because it become a legacy. Learn to give out love,show it. Reflect kindness and patience because you protégée will be tutor someday.
    Dear Lizzy that's what you are doing. You would have known how to love if you weren't taught pass it with patience. Love you.

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    Replies
    1. Lizzy's Haven11 May 2020 at 16:34

      Thanks alot for this comment. I am not necessarily scared they are growing but seeing them grow up so fast just really creates this mixed feelings. And you wonder how soon before they are completely independent of you (lolz). Love like you mentioned is the foundation of everything and it's the only thing that matters. I love you sweetheart

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  2. Unknown11 May 2020 at 16:11

    I believed if you were still independent on your mom still she would been worried that you have not made progress. Be careful how you teach people who needs who needs your help or support because it becomes a legacy. A ladder for someone to walk on. Learn to love and give respect to those who have taught you. Whose shoulder you have lean on. Your protégée someday will reflect love,kindness and patience.
    Dear Lizzy you wouldn't have known how to love if weren't taught, pass it with patience. Love you dearly

    ReplyDelete

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