Death, the most unwanted and yet so inevitable of them all. Such pain and grief one has to go through to lose someone dear. In just a single moment life really stops making sense and there is always that question "God why?" hanging on all our lips, with a few daring to ask even though we know God should not be questioned.
I lost a friend not too long ago, he was actually a family friend and it felt so unreal. I had seen him months before, looking all well and really healthy. He had a very unique laughter,full of life personality and was best at teasing me. On the day he visited he did all of those usual things and nothing informed us that that would be the last time we see him alive. Tosin was really dead and gone, it took a dreaded visit to his parents weeks later to remove every doubt there was. His parents did well to hide their pain but brokeness can't be hidden, this pain is hard to hide because it is truly different from others. Amidst conversation his mother would bend her head to wipe tears from her face and slowly join the discussion again like she was hoping no one noticed see was gone for a minute. My heart genuinely broke for them and I wondered if Tosin was still somehow around or somewhere he could see how much pain he was causing those he left behind.
I knew too well how deeply the pain of losing someone close cuts because I lost my dad a year ago yesterday and I almost could not breathe. But somehow I knew whatever my Tosin's parents were feeling was way different and deeper than mine because they had just lost their CHILD. This is one pain I pray not to know because the thought of it kills me. How does one survive such loss? How does one heal from knowing that the child you birthed, you also buried? There are things that should never happen and burying ones child should be one of them.
For parents we find a little conciliation in the saying "they have lived" but what life would you say the young ones have lived? There's one of my brothers, who was really close to him and now always talks about how unreal the news still feels. He talks about seeing Tosin in his dream, dressed up and asking him to take a photo of him.
I really think he is now resting in heaven and also wants us to remember always him, photos are for memories, ain't they?
This is the most heartbreaking moment of it all, when the body is locked in a perfectly carved wood and sent down into this 6fts hole that looks like a cage. Sadly, no matter who we are or who we are not, all we get at the end is just a 6fts hole and a wooden box that our bodies are locked in. I didn't attend Tosin's burial but I thought about this finally moments alot because it's still fresh in my memory.
The finality of it, I mean when the coffin is laid in the grave and then the sand is poured on it to seal it. The realization that this is real and that you are not actually dreaming...and then this sudden feel of hopelessness that reminds you that you've being hoping and praying for the impossible. "The ground is sealed,he/she is never getting out now" and then you manage with sad frustration to whisper that final goodbye, Incase he/she needed to hear you say that to journey safely.
If their absence hurt us this much, I often wonder if they could see us, how much pain they will feel for being the reason we hurt. In it all, for those who have lost someone close, I pray you find the strength to mourn and even a greater strength to live and find joy in life again. For the lost souls, I pray they really find rest and peace and most of all mercy in the sight of God. Tosin, was a fan of my writing, so maybe that's why there was this unexplainable push to write about him.... This is my tribute to my good friend Tosin, you were special to all of us and you will be dearly missed. We will not forget you so easily.
REST IN PEACE TOSIN AND TO MY DAD, CONTINUE TO REST IN PEACE DADDY 🕊️🕊️❤️❤️
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